“And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.”
—John Steinbeck
Well, it seems the title has already spoiled the surprise, but let's pretend it didn't for just a moment. Let's go back a few years, so I can catch you up on what's been going on since I've been gone.
Three years ago, I was dealing with writer's block and imposter syndrome, and despite the optimism I shared in my last blog post, what hope I had quickly faded. The writer's block shackled me, the imposter syndrome imprisoned me, and soon enough, other mental health issues were strangling me in debilitating ways. As my personal life became heavier, my writing life became a burden. Words felt like bricks, and I barely had the energy to lift a feather. I no longer felt like a writer.
I no longer felt like myself.
One day, on a FaceTime call, my dear friend Jane and I were talking about how the one constant in my life, the one dream that I have never been able to shake off, was my desire to become a published author. I was feeling so lost, and yet even still, there was the tiniest spark within me when I thought about publishing my writing as an author. So, Jane suggested I apply to graduate school to get my Master of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing.
My gut reaction? What a ridiculous idea.
At the time, it seemed like a pointless venture. I'm not a good writer. I hadn't written in months, couldn't think of any new ideas, had completely abandoned my NaNoWriMo project despite completing the challenge in 2020... It just didn't seem like a good idea.
Jane's response? Bullshit.
She took every excuse of mine and squashed them like bugs. She inspired me to believe in myself, to trust that this is my calling, to give this dream of mine a fighting chance. Our conversation fueled me in a way that I hadn't felt in a long time. The spark became a flame. All it needed was some kindling, and Jane was happy to provide.
Applying to grad school is a process, and Jane held my hand every step of the way. Deadlines, letters of recommendations, samples of work, documents, etc. She helped me stay on top of everything, while helping me maintain my sanity along the way.
Some acceptances and rejections later, I had found a program.
The MFA in Creative Writing Program at Arcadia University in Pennsylvania.
I chose the MFA Program at Arcadia University because it offered one-on-one practicum meetings with an instructor, giving me personalized instruction that would best suit my needs. The low-residency program allowed me the flexibility to still go on residency trips without having to be there for an extended period of time and to attend my courses remotely. It had a strong network of visiting writers and agents that would discuss both craft and business in the industry. Workshops were a top priority which meant constant writing and consistent feedback. It also offered a program that gave me experience as a tutor at the university's writing center and as a TA (teaching assistant). The two biggest selling points, however, were the residency trip abroad and the acceptance email.
The program offers three week-long residencies, one of which took place in Edinburgh, Scotland. I love traveling, and Scotland is one of those places I had always heard of as a beautiful place to visit, especially the Highlands. The chance to go study the craft of writing there, the home place of many well-known writers, was just the cherry on top. The idea of the Scotland residency definitely sold me when it came to applying.
When I was accepted, the director of the program did something that none of the other programs did. He commented on the sample work I submitted with a quote from my story. Here's what he said:
Your writing shows a lot of promise, and has several key aspects that make us think you'll succeed in our MFA program, and later on in the creative writing world. You have some excellent and evocative lines in “Between The Twin Mountains,” for example:
“Freedom cloaked them as it did the wild critters and solitary beasts of the lands and seas.”
That’s absolutely stand out work.
Unlike the other programs, this made me think that this director actually took the time to read through my work, and I felt reassured that this attention to detail was something I could expect for the next two years.
I have so much to share about the experience I had with the program and with my trip to Scotland, but I will save those for another day. For now, let's fast forward to May 2024.
My MFA degree is now on my wall above my desk. Every once in a while, as I'm writing, I look up at it to remind myself of how I didn't give up, and I keep writing.
I know there is much debate about whether attending an MFA program is worth it or not, and I can understand why it's not a worthwhile option for someone. However, for me, it was more than just a degree that would boost my career. I gained a community of incredible writers through this program. I discovered a love for a genre that I never considered writing because of this program. I also gained a network of resources that made me feel prepared to take on the publishing industry. Most importantly, however, I gained my sense of self.
Despite my love for writing, I have struggled to find my place in the writing world. I've hidden behind countless pen names, posted stories that I've deleted out of fear, put up every obstacle and excuse imaginable to stop myself from taking the next step in the publishing process, and all the while, I've wondered why I've never seen results.
The MFA program gave me the opportunity to take my writing seriously, to step into my identity as a writer wholeheartedly, and to build the confidence I had been lacking to walk this path toward publication.
The spark that became a flame is now a roaring bonfire, and it is because of the commitment, dedication, hard work, and tears that I put into my MFA degree.
If you're considering applying to an MFA program, consider what you hope to gain from it, whether or not you can get that elsewhere, and if you believe it's worth it. I was at my wit's end when I applied, and now feeling more motivated than ever to propel my writing career forward, I can say with certainty that it was worth it.
Also, get yourself a Jane. We all need a Jane in our lives.
If you've been with me for a while now, I want to say thank you for your patience. I was gone for years, and the fact that you're still here boggles my mind. I appreciate you so much. If you're new, thank you for joining me on my journey. I have many stories to share, so I promise you, this is just the beginning.
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